I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
