The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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