Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
