I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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