is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
