Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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