i permit you to call me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
