i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
