Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
