I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
