No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
