I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
