At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
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The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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