Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
