I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
