Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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