No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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