i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
