I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
