you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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