I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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