My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
