i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
