i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
