Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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