shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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