I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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