I didn't shave. On purpose
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
