It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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