I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
