So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
