I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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