I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
