I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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