I could have mohawked her pubes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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