i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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