I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
