I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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