cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
