Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
