I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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