yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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