i need an iv and a liver transplant
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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