It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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