If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
