i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
