I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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