U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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