They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
