so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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