wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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