How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
