He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
