Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
