I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
