Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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