i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
