Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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