Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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