lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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