Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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