I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
