So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
