I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
